I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
