We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
