puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
