i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize