If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
