I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
