3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So drunk its hurt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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