Got a toothbrush?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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