For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize