dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
