Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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