he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize