I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
