I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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