Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
