Im at strip club and am horny
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
