I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
