it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
