i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
