Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
