i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
