She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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