I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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