Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize