We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
too bad you live with your parents still
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
