i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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