So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
