i just wanna soil my oats bro
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
