She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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