Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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