genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
