my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
