you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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