At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
