I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont even know how to be here
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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