You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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