I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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