i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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