when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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