You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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