He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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