is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
