I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
