I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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