You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
