What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
