Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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