I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can text with my tongue
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
