Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
