I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
