Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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