Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
