I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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