Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
