she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
