I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ugly people sure do ruin things
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
