Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
