Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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