I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
