You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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