I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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