Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
