I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
