No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
