He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
