4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
