this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
