I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
