Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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