I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
