Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
3pm strippers are depressing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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