God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
