i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
