so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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