i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
